Hey! I'm here, but not? What? How's that for a circular statement?
I'm going to be out of the office on international travel until August 25th, and I just don't trust my Out of Office Assistant after the recent gambling run. So, while he's technically sending you this message, I've got an eagle eye on his actions.
I'll be responding to emails & voicemails as I can. If you need something urgently, give XXX a call at YYY-YYY-YYYY, or email at ZZZ@ZZZ.ZZZ.
Thanks, and have a security conscious day!