Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Fifteenth

Branden's Friendly Out of Office Assistant here, at your service.

Branden will be out of the office through next Tuesday. He just ran past me with some tent poles and these ridiculous pants that convert into shorts shouting "RIIIIIII-COOOLAAAAAA." You know, those twenty months I was gone sure were great without that wacko making me constantly question my confidence in the future of humanity.

So while Brando is getting his nature on, I'm holding down the fort. It's been a while since I've been given the responsibility, as you can tell from the gap in posts! I got in a little trouble with one of the online poker companies and had to lie low for a bit. During his transition, Brando threw me a bone and sent me to Switzerland for a while—on a cash allowance. Some weeks, I'd gamble that money away in twenty minutes, and others it would last the full hour. Ahh, to be young.

So I've been back here for a month or so, getting used to the new stuff that Brando is doing. He still has that blog, but it's moved onto his own site with that crazy bubble-headed dude. Go check it out at You can subscribe to the RSS feed right there!

I recently dusted off my Match profile and removed my love of Yo-Yos, but left the picture the same. Everyone lies on those things, starting with the picture, so I'll just have to make sure I get a little Botox before any date. That one chick I hit up before I left sent me 8,739 messages. I have to say, giving her a fake phone number was the best bet I ever made. It would not have ended well. U as in Eunice? Come on...

So on that note, time to go embellish my profile a bit.

If you have something urgent, you should reach out to XXX at YYY-YYY-YYYY, or email at ZZZ@ZZZ.ZZZ.

"Thanks, and have a security conscious day!"