The Sixteenth

Branden's Friendly Out of Office Assistant here, at your service.

That last nature trip was a DOOZY for ol' Brando. Nature didn't beat him this time (unfortunately), so I had to hurry up and clean up some of the browser history where I was hitting the sports betting sites. Luckily, I've been running a bit even lately, so the fundage hasn't changed. That may have changed slightly this weekend when I was hoping for a triple crown winner at the Preakness, but alas. Not this year.

Maybe that chick jockey will take down the Belmont with Pants on Fire.

Did you read Branden's Seven Deadly Sins of a QSA paper? Wow! If you want a fun read, go get the Too Hot for the Journal version off of his website at http://brandenwilliams.com/media/. Jeepers, the fun stories in that one almost make up for his crazy bubble-headed dude. Oh, and he was elected to the PCI Board of Advisors recently as well! Go check it out his latest blog posts at http://blog.brandenwilliams.com/. You can subscribe to the RSS feed right there!

My Match profile has been pulling all kinds of troll action lately. I updated my profile with some embellishments, but I couldn't go too far over the top as to appear fake. Still, any measurement in a profile has to be over- or under-stated by at LEAST 35%, so I just added a few percentage points here and there to make it more like a 20% error. Thank goodness for Google Image search and photoshop. I mean, clearly there could exist a 6' 6" tanned gentleman with 10-pack abs, a 6-wheel drive car, that weighs in at 154lbs. Right?

Right?

Well, I've gotten quite a few hits. It's almost getting unusable with the amount of traffic. That does't mean I haven't found a couple of hotties to throw on the back of my 6-wheel drive motorcycle to drive around the block a few times! Well, my mom's block. Lost the apartment last month thanks to a late night bachelor party I hosted while Branden was in Australia.

I definitely won't be getting the deposit back.

Anyway... I'm saving some cash by living in Mom's basement for a few months so I can get a respectable apartment and maybe place a few bets at the Belmont. Also, I'm doing some odd jobs for extra cash, so let me know if you need your dog walked, or if you need me to stand in any lines for you. Actually, screw the dog thing. Just let me know if you have anything with low responsibility where I don't have to move that much to earn the wage.

In the mean time, if you have something urgent, you should reach out to XXX at YYY-YYY-YYYY, or email at ZZZ@ZZZ.ZZZ.

"Thanks, and have a security conscious day!"

The Fifteenth

Branden's Friendly Out of Office Assistant here, at your service.

Branden will be out of the office through next Tuesday. He just ran past me with some tent poles and these ridiculous pants that convert into shorts shouting "RIIIIIII-COOOLAAAAAA." You know, those twenty months I was gone sure were great without that wacko making me constantly question my confidence in the future of humanity.

So while Brando is getting his nature on, I'm holding down the fort. It's been a while since I've been given the responsibility, as you can tell from the gap in posts! I got in a little trouble with one of the online poker companies and had to lie low for a bit. During his transition, Brando threw me a bone and sent me to Switzerland for a while—on a cash allowance. Some weeks, I'd gamble that money away in twenty minutes, and others it would last the full hour. Ahh, to be young.

So I've been back here for a month or so, getting used to the new stuff that Brando is doing. He still has that blog, but it's moved onto his own site with that crazy bubble-headed dude. Go check it out at http://blog.brandenwilliams.com/. You can subscribe to the RSS feed right there!

I recently dusted off my Match profile and removed my love of Yo-Yos, but left the picture the same. Everyone lies on those things, starting with the picture, so I'll just have to make sure I get a little Botox before any date. That one chick I hit up before I left sent me 8,739 messages. I have to say, giving her a fake phone number was the best bet I ever made. It would not have ended well. U as in Eunice? Come on...

So on that note, time to go embellish my profile a bit.

If you have something urgent, you should reach out to XXX at YYY-YYY-YYYY, or email at ZZZ@ZZZ.ZZZ.

"Thanks, and have a security conscious day!"